Struggling Through The Holidays For Women

The holidays, especially the winter ones, can cause a lot of anxiety. There are many reasons for this. It’s important to take a look at the pressures that directly impact you so that you know what to do and how to cope in ways that reduce anxiety and increase the joy of the season.

A major cause of anxiety is family dynamics. There is often a strained relationship with one or more family members due to words and behaviors on their part that are hurtful and judgmental. If you have been in this situation then you know how hard it can be to imagine confronting this person. While it is tempting to avoid conflict, confronting with kindness, noting what is expected and what will happen if they won’t respect the boundary is respectful in that it is clear and direct. Being “nice” doesn’t work because nice is passive. Kind is honest, firm, and respectful. Be clear with this person about how they impact others and the holiday in general. A good way to do this is to use “i” statements, “when you make fun of the dinner I made, I feel hurt and angry. It’s not funny and I need you to stop doing that. If you do it again you won’t be invited over ever again.” another major pressure is financial. It can be tempting to overspend to get the “perfect” gift for someone. If that is in your budget that is ok, but Americans are often pulled to overspend to get their loved ones the gift of their dreams. It’s better to consider what fits in the budget and take a step back and take a few deep breaths before making a purchase, so you are sure to be purchasing from the rational part of your brain. Ask your partner or a friend to help you stay accountable to the budget you set. If you find yourself charging your purchases and not being able to pay off your debt rather quickly, you are overspending, and it’s time to get curious about the beliefs around this behavior. Family members who love and support you will not want you to go into debt to give them a present.

Social demands social demands create anxiety as well. Most holiday tasks fall onto one or two people, most often women. If this is you and you have had enough it is time to delegate out some of your tasks. This can be hard if you have held onto the holiday reigns for years wanting everything to be perfect yet tiring of all the time and effort you put in all by yourself. While picking some tasks to delegate might initially be uncomfortable, in the long run doing so will lessen your anxiety and the feeling of being underappreciated. 

Creating an intention to surrender and take a step back along with mindfully noticing your thoughts and not taking the “but it has to be perfect” thoughts too seriously will help you make lasting changes.

To review, there are ways to keep holiday anxiety to a quiet hum.

Setting boundaries with inappropriate family members is crucial to everyone being able to have a good time. While it might be hard to do at first, having a plan and asking for support can help you create peaceful holidays filled with happy memories.

Staying within budget is crucial. If you dread the January credit card bills and you find yourself with a balance way past January, you are overspending. If you overspend you need to discuss how to address your spending moving forward. Remember, no loving family member wants you going into debt to buy them a gift social demands require delegation. Delegation requires some level of surrender as no one will do things exactly as you do. Keep the biggest job for yourself while you get used to having helpers. As everyone adjusts to new rules and expectations the stress on the coordinator will decrease. It can be surprising at how much help we can get if we just ask.

Wishing everyone a holiday season filled with love, connection, and support.

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